In The Event Of My Demise
by nellabean
Summary: A hardly coherent letter is found in the now deceased Ryuga's knapsack. Ginga shows the words to Kenta after he breaks down in an eruption of long-suppressed emotion. It's pretty much short little one-shot set around Kenta after Ryuga's death.


**Just something I wrote up last night when sleep was being uncooperative. Be aware, I hadn't slept in forever so it might be a bit out-there. Anyhow, read away.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own MFB.**

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about anything, Kenta?"

"There's nothing to talk about," he told her in a rather vicious tone which he did not intend to let past his lips.

The girl was taken back, but only for a moment. Then she placed the spanner in her hand onto the bench and proceeded to cross the carpet of her workshop to enter his radius.

"Yes there is. There's plenty to talk about. The way you've been lately, I understand but I can't let you bottle everything up. You need to talk about it, or it's going to eat you alive."

Kenta sat on the sofa; he didn't look up to meet her eyes as she stood before him taking on that chastising mother stance of hers with her hands on her hips. He hoped that if he refused to acknowledge her, she'd drop the subject and get the hell back to work. He didn't want to talk about it, not yet anyway. Talking about it would just be adding salt to his wounds. Fresh wounds, they were. Why couldn't she just give him some time to heal his soul?

"Kenta?"

He shuffled his feet._ 'Get out of my face,'_ he thought.

"Kenta, answer me."

_'If she pushes me one more time, I'm gonna blow a fuse!'_

"Kenta!"

_'That's it!'_

He jumped to his feet so abruptly that Madoka stumbled back, surprised by his sudden movement. He threw his arms out at his sides. "Shut up! Just shut up, alright? I don't want to talk about Ryuga; I don't want to think about him. It hurts too much, Madoka! It just _hurts too damn, much!_"

As she watched the tears fall from his eyes, watched his body tremble in a crippling display of anger and pain, she knew she'd done something wrong. The show before her was nothing like she'd seen him do before when he would be reduced to tears over losing a battle or something else along those lines. No, right now, he cried like his whole world was over. And maybe to him, the world really was over. His star had fallen.

She raised a hand like she was about to touch him, but then placed it on her lips. "I- I'm sorry."

"Just forget it okay?" he snapped as he stormed towards the door. She could only watch him while he left the building, slamming the door behind him.

It took a few moments for her to process the fact that she had just let Kenta wonder out into the city streets at night fall. Concerned for his safety, especially while he was such an emotional wreck, she tailed his path onto the doorstep. Scanning the deserted street, she called his name again. Yet she could not see the boy, he was already gone. She stood there staring, watching a streetlight struggle and flicker across the road before it gave one last flash and blacked out.

* * *

Kenta had run for what felt like an eternity. When his legs finally grew tired, he slowed to a walk and continued for yet another eternity. He soon came to a clearing in the mountains, and he sat there in the middle of the dirt floor with his legs crossed in front of him. He remembered the place distinctly. It was here that he had followed Ryuga and found him cooking a piece of fish all those months ago. He recalled how Ryuga had given him some of the fish as he'd noticed that he was hungry. The thought pushed a bleak smile on his lips, and the movement that his mouth made let tears slip onto his tongue. They tasted salty.

Then he started to cry even harder, surprising himself that he had any tears left. He cupped his hands over his eyes and bawled. The empty feeling in his chest, the numbness he noticed there, must be what a broken heart feels like. He didn't like the sensation at all.

"Kenta…"

Kenta jumped and craned his neck around to see who had called his name. There, he saw a slim figure slowly approach him from behind. Usually, the sight of something emerging from the darkness would have frightened him, but not tonight. Something had changed in the boy.

When the figure entered the clearing, the moonlight revealed his face to be none other than Ginga.

"Oh man, what are _you_ doing here?"

Ginga's somber expression didn't change as a result from Kenta's harsh words. He simply kept walking until he reached the younger boy and sat down beside him.

"Don't give me that. Listen, Madoka called me and said you had some sort of break down and ran off. I came to see if you were alright."

"How'd you find me?"

"I knew you'd come to the mountains. Then, I just followed your footsteps through until I got here."

"Right."

The two were silent for a while, listening to the wind pass through the trees. Kenta couldn't pick up on any tension from Ginga, and at least he wasn't talking. He decided that Ginga could sit there if he wanted, but he wasn't going to get anything out of him.

Then Ginga spoke, "Hey, Dad gave me something not long after Ryuga… well, you know," Kenta cringed at his unintended insensitivity. "I wasn't going to show you, but I think you ought to see it."

Kenta couldn't really care less about what Ryuusei had given Ginga, but he turned his head and watched Ginga's hands as they pulled a piece of crumpled paper from his pocket.

"What's that?"

"After Ryuga died, Dad respectfully checked his knapsack and he found this. It's a letter he wrote. Read it, but be warned that I think he wrote it while he was in a pretty dark place. It's confusing, but it will give you an idea of what he was feeling a few weeks before his death."

Kenta took the letter from Ginga's hands and stared at it. He was unsure if he really wanted to see it, but when Ginga urged him with a quiet 'go on,' he unfolded the paper and let his eyes trace the lines.

**...**

As I write this letter, I am aware of death's presence. I hear him, I smell him, I feel him…

He waits for me, always waiting. Every move that I make is a mapped step bringing me closer to embrace an early termination. One more turn on is chessboard of life, checkmate.

Though, I do not fear him. Perhaps it can be said that I see him as a dear friend who will in due time act in my favor. He will take me away from all this chaos that I have created. Cease all the pain, all the pressure. Silence the screaming voices in my head that threaten to destroy my sanity, if it has not already perished. I just don't know anymore.

Death, before you take my soul to another valley, all I ask is that you leave me the time to prepare the boy. Oh, God, the boy. He befriended me, appealed to a more human side of me that I had thought was lost forever. He became my shadow, behind his emerald windows and all the wonders that he dreams, he hides the unlikeliest of heroes.

And the one whom I branded an enemy had been an ally all along. Disguised by the demon of paranoia inside my head that was the origin of much of the evils I've committed.

The beast I tame, who in the end bound me with her immortal spirit. She shall not leave me. After I take my final breath and when I am baptized in eternal fire, she will still be there.

Funny. How amusing it is to think that I once thought myself so indestructible. Now here we are you and me. We speak the truth and it's nothing but a lie. There is nothing left.

Let them know that when I find myself staring into the twisted face of death, I will not cower and I will not run. Neither man, nor monster shall I fear. I accept my destiny, and I will burn out recklessly, in the event of my demise.

_Kenta, if ever you should read this, don't cry for me when my life expires. That is not what I've taught you. Remember, just because you can't see something doesn't mean it isn't there right by your side._

**... **

Kenta folded the letter and instead of handing it back to Ginga, he placed it over his heart in his shirt pocket.

Ginga bent his head down to look at Kenta. "You alright?"

"I don't know, what did that mean?"

"Well what do you think it means?"

"He knew he was going to die. He wasn't afraid, and he was at peace with the idea of death."

"Correct."

"I didn't know he was so ready for it though Ginga. He must have been so sad."

"Not necessarily. I think he was just tired of everything. He'd done all he thought he needed to do and he wanted to go out in one final blast that would show everyone what he was made of. And he did that, didn't he?"

Kenta nodded, he hadn't yet realized that he had stopped sobbing.

"And that last post note," Ginga continued. "It's proof that you meant more to him than you ever knew. He gave you his star fragment. In a way, he's still alive. Maybe not in any sort of physical form, but he's alive in _you._"

Ginga matched Kenta's unspoken tranquility as he let the message sink in for a while before standing up. He extended his hand, and Kenta took it. When he was on his feet Ginga wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close to his side, rubbing his shoulder affectionately.

"Come on," he said. "We should get back before Madoka starts hyperventilating with worry."

They started walking, Ginga's arm still around Kenta's shoulders. Kenta looked up and said "Ginga?"

"Yeah?"

"You think that last bit meant anything? Do you think he's still around, even though we can't see him?"

Ginga thought for a moment, and then he smiled. His white teeth glowing in the dim silver light, "I wouldn't doubt it for a second."

Suddenly, a strong wind blew past them, though it wasn't cold at all. If anything, it was warm like the air from a heater. Both boys looked up and caught sight of a deep amethyst Snapdragon flower caught in the updraft, they watched it flutter gently towards the earth and Kenta held out his hand. The Snapdragon landed in his open palm.

"That's pretty," commented Ginga.

"Yeah…" Kenta replied, examining it.

Without any sort of warning, the Snapdragon sparked at the stalk, glowing brightly. Kenta dropped it in fright, and they watched it on the ground as it slowly became engulfed by a slightly purple tinted flame. It was ablaze for mere seconds before the embers died out, leaving a small pile of ashes where the Snapdragon had fallen.

Kenta lifted his head to meet Ginga's eyes, his mouth hanging open in shock. "Was that-?"

Ginga nodded in return and he continued walking, gently gesturing Kenta to walk beside him. He repeated the reassurance he had stated only moments ago, "Wouldn't doubt it for a second."

* * *

**Okay, so I have no idea if Snapdragon's even grow in Japan, but it's a fitting flower so I picked it anyway.**

**Thanks for reading, guys. You're the best. :)**


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